journal

This section is an online diary of things I have experienced or done
during my mediumship training or spiritual work.
Obviously I cannot include everything, and will be led by my guides with what I can put in.
I regard confidentiality between spirit and myself, and also between my living clients and myself as important as that as a doctor and patient, and therefore will not go into full detail or give any names unless I am told I can. But it is also important to be able to read back on past things as a self assessment to my own learning and ability, as a portfolio for my work.
Here`s a recap on how it all started...

I only started to develop my spiritual gifts since moving to Wales in September 2002.
I quickly realised I was here for a reason and finally all my life of spiritual encounters and experiences began to fall into place. Suddenly I was seeing, hearing and feeling a lot more than usual.
I was also seeing a lot of rainbows and gradually it all made sense why it was happening.
I recalled a conversation between someone very special and myself many years before about rainbows,
and realised although this person had died, I knew he was still around. I could hear him talking to me
and he featured heavily in my everyday life. Then I noticed almost daily I would see, hear or experience something that I knew instantly was a sign from my special spirit, and I began to realise we were communicating in many different ways. I knew all these methods were associated with spiritual mediumship and realised it`s what I should be doing!. I started to look into the possibility that maybe I could learn to develop these skills I was discovering. But it wasn`t until February 2003, After a particularly "spiritually active" day in our house, I decided to tell someone else about things that were happening at home and in my life. We went to my husband`s family for our regular fortnightly visit. I knew they believe
in spirits and would accept what I was saying, it was nice to be able to talk freely about it. My sister in law reminded me her mother is a medium, and she said she will ask her mother if there is somewhere I can go for training. Unfortunately the nearest spiritualist churches are miles away and as I don`t drive I am unable to go there. But I found myself being invited along to mediumship demonstrations with my sister in law and her family, where I got to know people with my own ability. Then my sister in law`s mother started up a development circle at her house and I was able to go along to that for a while...

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE
I had attended about three weekly sessions at development circle before I actually felt like I was getting somewhere. I found it difficult to concentrate on meditation at first, it was new to me for a start, and I wasn`t used to doing things like that in company!. On about the third time, during meditation I could see a beautiful big indigo blue eye. It turned around, and as it did I felt I was able to see what the eye was seeing.
Then I could sense a gorgeous golden yellow light envelope me and it felt so warm loving and secure.
I couldn`t make out where it was coming from and I could only sense or see it with my eyes closed.
Then I saw my special spirit, very briefly. At that time he didn`t speak, but his smile wiped away many
years of heartache I had sufferred since he died, I instinctively knew he would always be here with me and
felt somehow he was now heavily involved in my life in a spiritual sense, which made me very happy.
After meditation we were to give a description of what we had experienced, if anything.
Amazingly both myself and another circle member had seen the eye, the light, and a brief glimpse
of someone. She hadn`t recognised hers though, which was the only difference...

THE ROSE BUSH
I used to be President of a Cliff Richard fan club for my area. President`s of all Cliff`s fan clubs pooled money together to pay to have a newly cultivated rose bush named after Cliff. It took several years before they were on sale commercially, and several more years of searching for a bush to buy came up with nothing. Eventually I thought I would never find one, I didn`t exactly give up hope, but stopped looking.
A few weeks after I started to become more attuned to spirit and receiving signs and messages from my special spirit, Gareth and I were in the car on the way to the supermarket to do our shopping. At home that morning we had been talking about the garden and I remembered the rose, I had said that although i`m not a lover of roses, there is one bush I would like to have, if only I could find one. We had also been talking about decorating the lounge and that we should look at some wallpaper for ideas. All the way to the supermarket I kept hearing my special spirit saying to me "Focus". I didn`t know what he meant, I thought either he was telling me to focus better or even giving me photography tips!. Suddenly as we approaced a roundabout it dawned on me, Focus is a Do It Yourself store across the road from the roundabout. Although I had no idea why, I told Gareth I wanted to go to Focus... so we went there first. I started to make my way inside thinking I was going to the wallpapers or something, but for some reason I found myself stopping at a display of rose bushes. Without looking at any labels or even realising what I was doing, I reached inside to a bush about
4 rows back and lifted it out, then I noticed the label, "Cliff Richard"!!!. I had just enough money on me to pay
for it. I came away from there feeling like I had just won the lottery, and as I thanked my special spirit
for leading me to it i`m sure I heard him say "You`re Welcome!.

ONLINE TRAINING
I have also joined an online training group. My next encounter was here.
We were in a live chat room situation. One person began to see if they could "connect" to anyone else who was online, as part of the exercise. She wrote my name and asked if I had spirit with me. I knew I did so I answered yes. She asked if it was someone I knew. I recognised the energy of my special spirit so I told
her yes. Suddenly I felt warm and like I was being hugged, my heart was filled with deep love and I felt close to tears, it was beautiful. Suddenly the other person said she could feel his energy and it was beautiful, so much love she had never felt energy so strong before. One by one everyone online could also feel it and some even said they were crying, it was so moving. I knew my spirit was indeed extremely special and I knew then I was very, very lucky. This had never been experienced in this group before and everyone commented on the great love my spirit has for me. I told them I felt the same for him and someone said
they knew, they could sense it. Someone else said they feel he is my guide, which I hadn`t even concidered, but someone else then asked if I knew him. When I said I did, they all said he can`t possibly be my guide so must be a companion or just visiting me. I don`t know much about guides, so although the thought of him being mine excited and pleased me, I just accepted what I was being told. I have already been "introduced" to my Guardian Angel "Toyta" ( pronounced Toe-e-ta) years before, but spirit guides were new to me and I don`t know any of mine. When the session ended I knew my spirit was still with me, so I asked him to please come forward to me somehow so I can ask him what I needed to know. Later on I meditated for the first time alone at home. I know how to now, but just needed that little "push" to make me go it alone!.
He came to me immediately. I was so happy to see him I cried, he died over 20 years ago and although I have had contact via other mediums, to be able to contact him myself was just so wonderful.
I asked him if I was doing the right thing, he told me yes, he had been trying to steer me this way for years. He had tried to say so via other mediums but somehow the message never got given or I misunderstood.
I said something like " if you are helping me, does this make you my guide?" "Yes" he said. So I said "But I have been told you can`t be my guide, because I already know you". "Nonsense" he said, " I am, and always will be". Well, he has never ever misled me, so I have no reason to believe otherwise, so I accepted what he said and felt extremely proud. I then asked him if I have any other guides, and why they never let me know about them before when I went to mediums. They always either brought him forward or told me about Toyta.
Not one had mentioned he was my guide, or that I even had any!. " You have more, they will come one at a time when the time is right." he said. So I didn`t ask anything more about them, I trust his word 100%.
He then told me to listen out and watch for messages and signs he will be sending me. Then I asked if I can contact him again and he told me yes, anytime I need to. I asked if he had anything else to say, he said he didn`t and had to go, so I thanked him and ended the session with a big happy grin on my face!.

AL
Back in the online group, and again I could sense spiritual presence in the room, but this time it felt different, not an energy I was familiar with. I wasn`t worried, it didn`t feel bad or threatening. Again someone picked up on me and asked if I had spirit with me. I told them yes but not my usual one. They told me it`s a guide,
and that all they will tell me is he is an artist, it was up to me to get to know him and ask him more.
So afterwards I meditated and asked my first guide to please help me meet my new one.
The new one turned out to be Albert ( I have to call him Al) and it emerged he is the guide who will bring
me new spirits, either to meet, work with, work for, or as a new guide!. Al told me from now onwards I
mustn`t allow any new spirit to communicate without him with me, to be on the safe side.
Al is indeed an artist, and is from Italy. We got to know each other and he has told me my first guide is my
"head guide", and that it`s him I will mainly work with and the others all answer to, and that`s why he has always been there and was the first to make himself known to me. I told Al that I knew my head guide in life, he said it makes no difference. He has tremendous energy and we have such a bond that this made it possible. When he died apparently Toyta realised I would probably be best with him as my guide, given our love for each other and my trust in him, and so on his agreement he was assigned as my head guide.
Now if someone tells me he can`t be my guide I just say no more about it,
I know the truth and that`s all that matters to me!.

MARY
Today I saw another spirit in meditation, she was an elderly lady and Al introduced her as Mary. I felt I already knew her, she was one of those people you instantly took a liking to, and her energy
was familair. She had a smoky grey persian cat with her, who also had a familiar presence. Al told me Mary used to own my house, she had died here and the cat was Sophie, her cat that had been run over by a car and killed outside the house. It emerged Mary is training to be a guide for someone yet to be born, and with me training as a medium, living in her house, she has joined my little "group" to learn with us.
Often I know Sophie is around, and when Sophie is around, Mary is never far away!.

JUANITA
Back to development circle. After meditation we were to have a go at "Psychometry" (reading an object).
My friend held my quartz crystal pendant and I held her rose quartz palmstone.
I had never done this before, although I have had mediums perform Psychometry with my own objects, so I knew what it involved. It took quite a while but eventually I began to hear my head guide telling me things to tell my friend. It was so weird though, it all seemed silly nonsense to me, bits and pieces that didn`t really mean anything, or so I thought. But he insisted I was to tell her, so I did. Amazingly enough she could relate to it all and knew exactly what I was talking about!. I came away completely surprised in my own ability, and thanked my special guide for his help. Later tonight at home I could sense spiritual energy, and that the spirit wasn`t one I "Knew" and I felt that they were trying to make contact. I said that I knew they were there, but that I wasn`t allowed to make contact without Al, he is supposed to escort and introduce new spirits to me. Then I heard Al say it`s OK, it is a new guide trying to come forward. So I meditated hoping to meet the new guide. It turned out to be Juanita, a Spanish singer who was also a medium. She is the guide who specialises in helping me do readings and learn mediumship skills. Aparently she had been trying to help me do the Psychometry, but as I was unfamiliar with her presence she couldn`t connect, so my head guide took over, and that`s why it took so long to start receiving anything!.

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