THE TRAIN CRASH On a regular visit to Gareth`s brother and sister in law, I could sense spiritual presence around me as we talked. My sister in law is quite sensitive to spirit (Her mum runs the development circle and is a fantastic medium). We often talk about spirits. This night though we were talking about something else at the time (can`t remember what) while the children were playing video games. I know I had mentioned I was undergoing a psychic block recently but that was all. But whilst talking I kept hearing Spectrum telling me "Train". Thinking he was telling me to train more, I was telepathically telling him I was trying but needed help. My sister in law saw me pulling various facial expressions whilst all this was going on, as I tried to communicate mentally, make sense of the message, at the same time as trying to keep up with the conversation we were having. I told her I kept hearing something but didn`t say what as it didn`t seem something meant for others. This kept on for about an hour then eventually stopped, leaving me with an almighty headache. When we got home Gareth put the TV on as usual. I went to get some paracetamol tablets for my head, then came in just in time to see a news report about a train crash in the Reading area of England, and it had happened around the time Spectrum was telling me "Train" all the time... A car on the tracks derailed the train. Then it dawned on me he had been trying to tell me about the accident before or as it happened!. This is ongoing though, at the time of the accident they were saying they think it was suicide of the car driver or deliberate saboutage. I feel however it was more accidental, either the car had stopped and he tried to move it, or he had a heart attack...maybe both, car stalled resulting in heart attack from impending panic. Before the driver`s name was released on TV I saw him as a middle aged man with a name beginning with B... Later they revealed his name and showed a photo, I had the right name and he is middle aged!. I won`t give the name here as I feel I might become psycically connected in some way to this incident... so watch this space... SCRYING A few weeks later I decided to try "Scrying", looking into a mirror by candle light. Almost immediately I felt like I was being "pulled into" the mirror and becoming part of it. Then I noticed Spectrum`s face had become superimposed onto mine. It was so lovely to see him I cried, it was just like standing there looking into his eyes. He was smiling and I was so happy to find a new way to communicate with him. As it was our first try at Scrying I decided not to take long, so after a few minutes I thanked him for making the effort to come forward and came away, not wanting to overdo things until we get used to it. I am hoping this will become a regular thing now, he seems happy with it and it is so lovely to be able to "see" him, I just need to find out what can be done this way and how to work with the mirror.   REMOTE VIEWING Spectrum`s funeral anniversary is coming up. To help take it off my mind I decided to play some music. I stood looking out of the lounge window while I listened to the words of a favourite song. Suddenly I was no longer looking out of my lounge window, I was looking out of Spectrum`s lounge window instead!. I saw his parents in the room, although they didn`t know I was there. They were also playing music and remembering him fondly. Then he came into the room, spiritually, (I was the only one who knew he was there). He came and stood with me and was about to speak but unfortunately I got suddenly disturbed and crashed back into my physical body like a speeding bullet, it was such a shock it left me feeling sick and I had a headache for 2 days after. My dog had come bounding over to me and jumped up for a cuddle, shocking me back into the physical realm. I might never know why I had been taken on that journey, or what was about to be said, but I did get a feeling he had brought us all together for some reason, and was possibly trying to let me know I am not alone in my grief (which I know, but sometimes it still feels so hard to accept he isn`t here physically, even though I have the wonderful knowledge he is well and happy, and with me as much as he possibly can be.) Maybe I was only day dreaming, but it seemed real to me and Spectrum has since confirmed to me it was real and did take place. CHANGE OF ROUTINE IMPROVES AWARENESS Tonight I decided to try and change my personal routine. I used to try to meditate during the morning, when I knew I had a couple of hours to myself with the children at school and hubby asleep after night shift. The problem was, I sleep so little and am usually still tired or half asleep in the mornings, so nine times out of ten I would fall asleep during meditation- which wasn`t doing any good. I thought about it and decided I would try to meditate at night instead, before I go to bed. Wow, what a difference. I am pleased to say my spiritual connection was much stronger, easier, and more rewarding. I played my relaxation cd, burned my candle and smudged the room first, then meditated by candle light having done my grounding and protection routine and opened up my chakras. During the meditation I was taken back to Spectrum`s house, obviously he hadn`t finished what he had started this morning, and wanted to continue. This time his parents were watching a video of him, and I really felt part of the family even though as before they had no idea we were there. When it was time to return Spectrum asked me to go over to the mirror in which I am learning to do Scrying. He came forward, his face superimposed onto mine, and smiled. I asked him to show me any signs he wanted to and he nodded that he would. I thanked him and went back to my chair to close the session. All the while I was communicating, the candle flame had been as still as a candle flame possibly could. But before I closed I asked him to do something to the candle just to confirm he was there and it was all real. The flame became "animated" and I thanked him then closed the session. I have a feeling the mirror and candle will now become a regular part of the night routine. WATERFALL WALK Tonight during meditation I was taken on a lovely walk to Melin Court Waterfall by moonlight. It was so relaxing and we spent some wonderful time alone together. We talked, held hands, hugged and just enjoyed being together. When it was time to come back, again he asked me to go to the mirror. He was there as before, superimposed onto me. Looking into his eyes it was so hard to believe he wasn`t there physically, but again it was just so wonderful it brought tears to my eyes. I asked him to show me a sign and I could have squealed for joy when in the mirror I could see rainbow colours dancing around the candle flame. I asked him if he could help me learn how to astral travel, I would love to be able to visit him more often and not have to wait until it happens by itself, I would like to learn to do it at will. He nodded and smiled and I get a feeling now I have asked him, he will help me learn. I keep forgetting that sometimes you have to ask, some things can`t be done unless you do!. Afterwards again I asked him to do something to the candle, and again the flame became "animated" as it had yesterday. I thanked him for everything then closed the session. I know he stayed with me though, as I could feel his energy in the room afterwards. ASTRAL SKY DIVING Wow... well, what can I say. I asked Spectrum last night if he could please help me with astral travel. Tonight he and Al came to me in meditation and took my hands. Spectrum told me to relax and go with them, to remember how it felt when I was able to conciously leave my physical body to join them. Suddenly we were floating around the room, hands linked like sky divers!. We didn`t leave the room but Spectrum told me it was an exercise to show me how to start a journey and to "control" my astral body. I felt a bit dizzy at first but when I got used to it I was fine. Afterwards again he asked me to go to the mirror, I think I will be using the mirror after each meditation from now on. He was there straight away, superimposed on me as before. I had decided that I would try and make sure I don`t use any facial expressions, to see what happens in the mirror. despite this, he smiled back at me. In the reflection I can see a picture I have of him, I won`t describe it in any detail because it could reveal too much about him, but the way he has his arms in the actual picture, is very different to the way he had his arms in the mirror... to me that was a sign from him that he is happy with our progress. Afterwards we did our little candle animation as before then I thanked him and closed down. TRAGEDY STRIKES Towards the end of 2004, my friends and I on an online spiritual group, were saying how we were all feeling an increase in various energies, dreams, feelings etc, but could not figure out why or what was happening. We all had different symptoms which were all unusually strong and powerful. We also had all noticed a change in behaviour from animals and birds, domesticated and wild, at the same time. On 26th December tragedy struck... a huge earthquake out at sea resulted in a tidal wave/tsunami that wiped out huge areas of Asia and Africa and surrounding areas. Many thousands died and millions were left without homes, family and livlihood. The largest ever worldwide aid action resulted, with the contribution from Britain alone reaching over £2 million!. They say it will take decades to rebuild and get the people back to some sort of "normality", at a cost of £billions. Unfortunately it seems some people had noticed elephants and other animals from the affected areas took themselves off to higher ground before it happened, but no one took any notice...we are now wondering if the animals around us were reacting to this, or if there is more to come and if we ourselves will be involved... somehow it seems more may be on the way... I TOLD YOU SO!!! On 9th January 2005, Gareth`s mum`s cousin died. Gareth and his brother are about all the family he had left, so it was up to them to sort everything out. He died in hospital in Spectrum`s hometown, and by law deaths etc have to be registered in the borough in which they take place. Gareth said he doesn`t know where the register office is. I know the town pretty well, but have never had to go to the register office, so I didn`t know where it is either. As I said so to Gareth, I heard Spectrum say " It`s near the bus station", so I told Gareth what I heard. "Yeah, right... well we will just have to wait and see" said Gareth. Later that day he came in soaked to the skin, he had been walking around the town for ages in the rain, looking for the register office. He didn`t think of asking someone. I asked if he found it. "Eventually" he said. "Well, where is it then?" I asked. "Near the bus station" he said. I felt like saying "I told you so!", but didn`t bother... when I said that`s where Spectrum had told me it was, Gareth said he had forgotten!. PSYCHIC BLOCK- DREAMS, VISIONS & GOING BACK TO TRIED & TRUSTED METHODS It has been some time since I last updated my site or my journal. I am having a huge psychic block and am finding it near impossible to communicate, even with Spectrum who I can normally connect to regardless of circumstances.Throughout this block I haven`t seen a single rainbow, despite no changes in weather or atmosphere. This is more proof to me they are more than just rainbows, otherwise block or no block, they would still be seen. (Considering they were an almost daily occurance, to suddenly disappear when the block appeared proves to me they are more than normal rainbows!.)The only consolation I have is that it isn`t just me. Friends in psychic development groups online are all going through blocks, it`s as if something, somewhere, is stopping us connecting to spirit. Personally I have taken the opportunity to concentrate on photography and also the book Spectrum and I are writing, which is finally in the last stages of creation after almost 25 years since it was started!. I miss Spectrum and his rainbows terribly, but I know he is there even if we can`t connect. Anyway, a few weeks after the block began I was starting to feel a bit depressed at not being able to communicate with Spectrum. I started to have dreams about when we used to communicate using Ouija. The problem is in those days my mum would join me, now I have no-one willing to do Ouija with me, and mum lives over 170 miles away. I have never done Ouija alone before and didn`t even think it would work!. However, these dreams seemed too real and important and I began to feel Spectrum was trying to tell me something. As if to clarify my fears, someone on one of the groups asked about Ouija, and whether or not she could use it alone. Several people answered yes, they do it all the time, so I thought a bit more about my dreams. Then one day in the bath I was suddenly taken in vision to the kitchen. Spectrum was there with me and helping me make a new Ouija board to use. I asked him if it would work on my own and he said "no" (grinning). So I asked if it would be safe on my own, still grinning he said "no". So I said "Are you telling me you want me to make a board and use it?" "yes" he said. So I said "Why, If I can`t do it alone?". He said "Silly, you won`t be alone, you`ll have me with you!". I realised then that yes, we would be operating it together, so I won`t be alone- and with Spectrum around I know I would be safe!. So that night I started to make a new board. I designed and printed the cards on the computer, covered them in sticky backed plastic to protect and make them thicker, then carefully cut them out using a ruler and stanley knife. We have used our board nightly ever since and it is wonderful. This has always been our preferred method of communicating, as he can say what he wants to say, in his own special coded way, and I can feel his love and energy all around me at the same time. We have decided on a title for our book, decided on a pen name, he has confirmed it is intended to be published ( I wasn`t sure if it was to be published or just as an exercise for me, but now I know.) He has confirmed a lot of things for me and I have learned more besides. He has told me that the rainbows will return when it is safe for me to resume training, until then I will know it isn`t yet time. In the meantime he uses our special rainbow card on the Ouija to give me rainbows!. I can`t believe I wasted 14 years since I last used Ouija, all because I didn`t realise I could use it by myself!. It is just so wonderful to be able to communicate with him, the psychic block is still there but thanks to Spectrum`s encouragement, help and support, there is a way to beat it!. IMPORTANT I DO NOT Recommend use of Ouija by inexperienced users or beginners to spiritual matters. It is a serious spiritual communications tool, is very powerful and can be extremely dangerous. It is NOT a game or toy and should NEVER be used as such. I am experienced in spiritual communication, trust Spectrum, my Guardian Angel and my other guides totally and have faith in them enough to know I am safe. I still ask my Angel for PROTECTION, not just for me, but for Spectrum and any other guide or loved one who may come through to me. I have over 35 years of Ouija experience having used it with my mum even before Spectrum`s Earth identity from this life passed over. I know how to use it properly. I have a page on Ouija HERE SYNCHRONICITY Spectrum has proven to me there is no such thing as coincidence, so I have now started to describe such occurrances that used to be called a coincidence "Synchronicity". After experiencing a recent psychic block things are gradually beginning to improve, although a few changes have been made by my guides along the way I feel a stronger and more successful development is coming. The first thing since the block was a dream I had about my cousin. I dreamed of him in a big house with large stone birds either side of the gates and also two more in his garden. There was a small riverlet in the garden and he was working in it removing stepping stones. When I asked why he was doing it he told me he doesn`t need them anymore. I could also see a racecourse in the distance. The dream occurred on the night of 22nd September 2005. The next morning I received a card in the post telling me he and his family had moved. I won`t go into detail to avoid revealing too much, but his old house relates to the stepping stones, the new one relates to large birds and a horse racing area!. Thinking the dream was a premonition of his move I was shocked to hear he had unfortunately collapsed the day they moved and was in hospital following emergency surgery. Sadly he died of complications on 25th September. I now feel the dream had been a way of being taken to see him one last time, as thinking back it did seem much more than a dream at the time!. Another thing is that the very day he died I had my first Rainbow in months...in fact there were two that day. I knew then I was about to start working again, as Spectrum had been telling me the first Rainbow after the block started will be a sign I will be able to start. I also asked him that night if these had been the sign I was waiting for and he confirmed they were, but it wasn`t until later that night I actually found out my cousin had died, when I phoned my mum for our nightly chat. CHANGE OF SPIRITUAL PATH AND AL, JUANITA & MARY MOVE ON When I first started to use the Ouija again I found out Mary, the lady spirit from my house who was learning to be a guide, has now moved on as her guidee has been born and she is now with the child. I have also found out that my own two guides, Al and Juanita, have also moved on to help other people, and so it is now Spectrum, Toyta and myself in our team. This caused me to try and find out which direction I am heading and what I need to learn, what I don`t need to learn, and what my spiritual path is to be. During the psychic block my guides must have had a change of plan and made some decisions that affect my development. I had previously been told by my guides and several mediums, I will be working as a medium and will work in a large hall giving readings etc. I am not a naturally very confident person and the very thought petrified me, but I was willing to try, after all- if it was my pathway who was I to argue?. However the development circle closed and I was left to learn at home, and not everything can be learned or practised alone. I went to see other mediums to try and learn from watching them but I just couldn`t imagine myself doing the same thing. I have now found out that I no longer need to use the Angel Cards or Pendulum, or learn how to give actual readings, although I have been told it will help me if I learn the Tarot and Runes. I need to concentrate with Meditation and the Scrying will also remain a useful method. The Ouija will remain the preferred method when communicating with Spectrum although he will also come forward in all the other ways as before. I will also be having more Dream Visitations, Astral Journeys, Telepathic, Clairvoyant and Clairaudient communications with him, and the Rainbows will return. I know now I am going to work in Spirit Rescue instead. This is a huge relief to me, I much prefer the idea and as we have already been involved in this field before, I know we can do it!. There are a few spirits I already came across that Spectrum has confirmed need help, so I hope to be able to get back to them in order to try and do so... so watch this space!  THEY`RE BACK!!! October 1st 2005... less than a week after the first two Rainbow`s since the block started lifting, and the day after Spectrum had re-confirmed the Rainbows are returning and it is a sign I can start learning and working again, I had seven Rainbows. There were two in the morning, two when out shopping, one on the way home, and another two in the afternoon!. I think they are back, lol!!!   :-) That night when I used the Ouija I said to Spectrum about the Rainbows... he went to the Rainbow card and went back and forth to it seven times to confirm there had been seven Rainbows! MISSING TWIN I was supposed to have been born a twin, but my sibling died in my mother`s womb at a very early stage. When I was born, I had an extra piece of flesh joined to one of my ears (I forget which one). It was hanging from my lobe and was about a centimetre in length in the shape of a teardrop. I had to go through life with this until I was about four or five, it was surgically removed just before I started school. My mother used to tape it behind my ear with a plaster, and if anyone asked about it she said it was a cut  or scratch. I of course did not know what it really was until she told me when I was older. I was then told  it had been the foetus of my twin. If we had both survived, we would have been joined at least at the ear, maybe more severely had we "fused" more as we grew in the womb.  I felt quite sad because for some reason as I grew up, I had this feeling I should have had a sister. I have been blessed with two younger brothers (who I love dearly), but I still felt someone was missing. To find out later that I should have been a twin I knew then what my feelings had been all about. Then when I began to discover spiritualism and attending spiritual centres, mediums etc, I often wondered what had become of my sister and where she was, but she never made any attempt to come through or make herself known. I knew my missing twin was female because being joined together meant we would have been identical. I hoped to try and find her or at least find out if she is okay, but she couldn`t be located and no-end of mediums visited still came up with no sign or mention of her at all. I was even told once when I asked about her, that because she died in the womb she wouldn`t have had a soul, so there would be no spirit to contact!... this made me very upset and angry because I believe and have been taught, the soul takes posession of the 3D body upon conception, so I was convinced she would be somewhere to be found. I didn`t exactly give up, but when things started to happen spiritually and she never came forward, I got so preoccupied with everything else and was kept so busy learning to use my psychic gifts, as well as ensuring the beautiful bond between Spectrum and myself never got neglected, I stopped trying to find her. However Spectrum knew I was hoping to locate her and had promised to help. He told me if he finds her he will try and help us meet and communicate, that was of course should she actually be willing to do so. As I grew up I had often found myself doing or saying something I was not entirely happy about, or had been out of character. I knew it wasn`t right but I didn`t seem able to control it or stop it happening. It had often been said (and I even said it sometimes myself), that it seemed I had a "Split Personality". I sometimes even wondered if it was possible that I had somehow developed the personalities of both my own spirit and the one who should have been my sister... I never took it seriously, but it still came to mind occasionally. Then one night Spectrum and I arranged with each other to meet in the astral world so we can spend some time together. It was decided that the next day during meditation would be ideal. However, on the day I was feeling very odd and had great difficulty in concentrating and communicating with him. For some reason I felt I was being held back from joining him and I couldn`t relax enough to get anywhere. I decided to take a warm bath and try to refocus myself to try again. But when in the bath, I was suddenly aware that I was on the verge of going out of body. I decided to allow it to happen. I could then sense and hear Spectrum`s presence. (We don`t make a habit of bathroom communications, but on occasions extreme circumstances beyond our control can bring us together when I am in the bath. I trust Spectrum enough to allow him complete freedom within my life and home, but he will only ever appear in certain places if it is absolutely neccessary.) No sooner had I become aware Spectrum was with me, I was then also aware of a spiritual energy leaving my 3D body and going towards Spectrum. I also knew that "I" was still within the 3D body, yet I was "looking" at a spiritual form who looked just like me, standing with Spectrum. The two of them began to walk away together, and I became aware that "I" was trying to shout out to him not to go, that "she" wasn`t "me", but it was useless, I was unable to utter a word. Tears began to sting my eyes as I watched the love of all my lifetimes walking away with someone he appeared to think was me. I did notice a rather unusual look in his eyes and on his face, but I didn`t think he knew it wasn`t me he was with. I was totally devastated and cried desperately, it was like losing him all over again. Several minutes passed and I was feeling very lost, alone and empty. I was about to get out of the bath when I knew Spectrum was there again. I felt him trying to comfort me and heard him telling me it was okay. I told him I saw him walking away with someone else, she looked like me but I was still in my body and was trying to tell him not to go with her. I started to cry again and told him I thought I was losing him again. I remember telling him over and over again that "I" am still in the 3D body. I told him I`m the one who loves him, I`m the one who is his soulmate and meant to be with him, desperately trying to let him know that whoever it was he had walked away with, she wasn`t me! By now I was sobbing uncontrollably, both due to what had taken place, and the overwhelming relief that he had come back to me. Then he told me "I know, it`s okay. I heard you calling out to me, you were coming over loud and clear telepathically but I couldn`t respond at the time. I realised she wasn`t you but I couldn`t tell you because the matter was urgent, but I am here now and everything will be alright. I found out that your twin had been using the same body as you and had been living a parallel life with you. She was meant to return to the spirit world before you were born, but had become lost and entered your body by mistake, she was unable to leave once she had done so. Then she realised she didn`t want to give up the body, she had become a second occupant and was able to manipulate and control your body independantly and decided to try and stay. This is why she had never come forward to you, she wasn`t exactly in the spirit world and didn`t want to be detected where she was, so she stayed quiet. I asked around about her and was told where she was, and that she should be encouraged to leave and go forward to the spirit world where she should be. I couldn`t tell you because then she would have known. She had to be treated gently and sympathetically, she isn`t bad, just misplaced and confused. When she came towards me today it wasn`t very long before I realised it wasn`t you, but I went along with it so I could take her home. It took a little persuasion but she will be okay. I am sorry you were upset but I promised you I will never ever leave you, and I meant it. I`m here now, we are fine and as strong as ever, don`t worry." I was so happy to hear that!. Then I asked him how he knew it wasn`t me. He said "The vibes were wrong. You and I are two halves of one whole, I have known you thousands of years, many lifetimes. Do you really think I wouldn`t be able to tell the difference? you may both look alike, but that`s all!"  Then I asked if she and I will be able to meet each other. He said "Yes, give her time to adjust. She is being counselled now, she is disorientated and needs time to get used to the changes she faces. When the time is right I will introduce you." Thoughts were raging through my mind. I was concerned if that meant he will be spending time with her, would that pose a possible threat to our relationship? I know it was stupid of me, but I was also feeling very disorientated and confused, not to mention fragile having just lost half of my "personality" and thinking I was losing my soulmate too I was at my wits end! I didn`t need to say anything, Spectrum is able to hear my thoughts. He just looked at me thoughtfully for a moment, and then playfully ruffled my hair and gave me a reassuring hug. I knew then I had nothing to worry about. Then I asked him if she has a name, mum has never mentioned her since telling me about her, and has never said anything about what they might have called her. He told me he doesn`t know yet, he will find out. I asked mum and she said she didn`t really think about it, so can`t tell me what she would have been called. Spectrum has since told me my sister wants to be known as "Linda", that she is settling in gradually and has said to apologise to me for everything. She wants us to meet one day and get to know each other. I have been reassured many times that there will never be anything but "in-law" type of friendship between Spectrum and Linda, and I know in my heart it`s true. He has actually helped many of my relatives pass over and settle into the spirit world, who have died suddenly or unexpectedly, or not quite ready to go and were unable to make the transition easily without help. Linda is just simply the most recent of them.    BIG CHANGES June 2006. Spectrum has suddenly decided he doesn`t want to hide his identity any more, I have to reveal who his most recent incarnation (in this lifetime is). I took a lot of persuading and still wasn`t happy as I am worried about possible repercussions or problems arising. He is well known, especially here in Wales, and has surviving family to think of! Finally I agreed and have made a few changes to this website, adding his identity to relevant pages, making him his own pages as requested, and changed the site name because it is not just "my" site, it`s "our" site. Well, I might as well say here too, My Spectrum is Wales` very own top champion Boxer, JOHNNY OWEN   Click his name to visit my tribute page for him. EVEN BIGGER CHANGES Well you may have read in "Our Story" that my earth marriage has come to an end. In August 2007 I finally made the break and with Johnny`s help, moved into a new home with him and my two children (and Domino the dog!). I have never been happier or more contented in this lifetime, Johnny and I are together the best way we possibly can be under our current circumstances. One day we will be reunited for all eternity and will be together forever in our own Utopia, until then this is the next best thing. However, it is very difficult for me to continue to update both this "Journal" and "Our Story" every time something happens, so I have decided to discontinue these updates. Any news about Johnny that used to be added here and to "Our Story" which we jokingly call the "Never-ending Story", will now be placed on our Bravenet Blog instead. I will keep the old journal pages online for people to read. You can visit this Blog by clicking the link below... ((HUGS)) Johnny & Karen BRAVENET BLOG Use your back button to return to previous location or close window to return to index.. If you didn`t come here from "Rainbow`s Realm" and want to go there now CLICK HERE